All Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris once took a dump on the African savannah while on safari. Later, 2,300 dung beetles were found OD'ing in a state ecstasy.

Wendy's asked where's the beef? and Chuck Norris found it, at chick-fil-a

Chuck Norris can recharge his chuckPod by plugging it into a piece of cheese.

some say that Chuck Norris cant die, he just gets bored of the planet after 100 years nd moves on to another one

The ice Age was created when Chuck Norris accidentally left his freezer door open.

Chuck Norris once played chicken with a train in an underground tunnel and won.

Chuck Norris kicked the sparkles right off of Edward Cullen.

Chuck Norris doesn't use an airplane for travel, he simply turns of the gravity and farts

Chuck Norris heartbeat was the cause of the 1906 earthquake

Chuck Norris can chokeslam anybody with both of his hands tied behind his back

The only state where Chuck Norris has never been is Virginia.

For a short period in the mid-70's, Chuck Norris sported an enormous Chuckfro.

Chuck Norris is widely considered an extreme sport.

Chivalry is dead because Chuck Norris killed it.

Chuck Norris was told he needs to be more sensitive. Chuck said "I am sensitive, the last guy that mouthed off to me got kicked in the nuts instead of the face".

Chuck Norris always drives alone, because nobody is willing to get into a car with Chuck Norris,in case if a punch buggy were to drive by.

Chuck Norris does not fart. Because his fart can annihilate all life forms on Earth. But on December 21st 2012, he MAY fart.

Budwieser claims to be King of Beers only because Chuck Norris lets them claim his piss.

Chuck Norris IS the father of every single one of Maury Povich's guest's children. The "possible fathers" are also Chuck's children.

There are only three things that a songwriter must consider: rhythm, melody, and Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" Chuck received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.

Chuck Norris killed the tiger, so now Rocky Balboa is the "Eye of Chuck Norris".

Chuck Norris has never made the same mistake twice because if he made a mistake and didn't actually kill you the first time, he'll go back in time and actually kill you 2 minutes before he tried to the first time.

Not only can Chuck Norris build a snowman out of rain, he can also drown a fish.

Chuck Norris' Doctor does physicals and normally says "turn your head and cough". When Chuck drops his pants the Doctor says "oh my god"!!

It took God 1 week to create the earth and the heavens, it took him 2 weeks to create Chuck Norris!

Best. Weapon. Against. Zombie. Apocalypse?! Chuck Norris.

It's a little-known fact that Chuck Norris has coached every sprinter who has won an Olympic gold medal since 1984. His secret technique? "Win...or else."

Chuck Norris can literally hand you your own ass.

Chuck Norris' derringer can fire a 30 round clip of 12 ga rifled slugs.

Chuck Norris defeated Garry Kasparov in a game of chess without a single move -- just by glaring at Kasparov.

In high school, Chuck Norris would tape "Kick Me" signs on his own back in the hopes that someone would take the bait.

Chuck Norris won't beat the crap out of you, he'll beat the DNA out of you.

I once walked into Chuck Norris' house, he had a bear rug.It was still alive,just too afraid to get up.

Chuck Norris memes make Chuck Norris more powerful.

On the day before the first day, Chuck Norris said, "Let there be God."

Respected archaeologists fight over Chuck Norris's discarded apple cores.

Chuck Norris can pluck a live chicken with his toes.

Birds developed wings to fly away from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, he invented bird flu.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to eat. He runs on the fear of his enemies.

If you ever dream of kicking Chuck Norris' ass, you will wake up to see him standing over you.

Chuck Norris doesn't get gas, he uses his own piss to drive his car

Little known fact: the very first amendment to the constitution was to remove the heading 'CHUCK NORRIS' and adding other words.

I used to question Chuck Norris like you but then I took a roundhouse kick to the face.

Chuck Norris sprinkles iron filings on his cappacinos.

Chuck Norris can buy his Walker, texas rangers dvd without any money.

Don King's hair is that way because he is the only person to survive a massive Chuck Norris fart directly to the face

Danny De Vito used to be over seven feet tall before his Chuck Norris pile-drive.

When Chuck Norris gets a hard-on in his pants it doesnt look like a tipi, it looks like a circus tent.

One time Chuck Norris stared a man to death.

Chuck Norris wont even dare touching a woman. Lucky Justin Beiber

When Chuck Norris smiles a star blows up making a big explosion let's hope ours don't.

Nobody knows it, but there was actually a world war 3. When Chuck Norris told the world he was gonna fight by himself everybody quit and hid.

The comma was formed when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the fullstop which tried to make him stop his sentence. Needless to say, there are no fullstops in Chuck Norris' world.

Chuck Norris can fly on an airplane to Maine from Hawaii in 30 seconds. he just has to tell the pilot to move over...

Chuck Norris is the reason people believe in the grim reaper. the grim reaper came about when Chuck Norris killed a dead person.

While Joey Chestnut was downing 192 buffalo wings in 12 minutes, Chuck Norris ate the same number of buffaloes.

The most interesting man in the world recently met Chuck Norris. Within minutes, he realized he was the 2nd most interesting man in the world.

Chuck Norris is known to jump out of televisions and roundhouse kick the viewers for no reason at all. Extreme caution is advised while watching any shows involving Chuck Norris.

The Mona Lisa is based on a peice of toilet paper used by Chuck Norris.

Most high school valedictorians have a 4.0 GPA. In high school, Chuck Norris had a 16.0 GPA.

The welcome mat at Chuck Norris' front door cleverly conceals the alligator pit.

Chuck Norris doesn't get crabs... he gets lobsters

The Cheetah has to outrun the antelope.....not so it can catch it, but in the hopes Chuck Norris will kill the slowest animal, as the Cheetah simply can't outrun him.

Ted Nugent is Chuck Norris' padawan.

Upon leaving a public swimming pool, Chuck Norris then urinates in it.

In the 1980s, Chuck Norris dry fired a gun eastward. The result was the Chernobyl Incident

One factory in Texas decided to motivate their employees by hanging posters of Chuck Norris with the message "Don't Piss Off Chuck -- Do Your Work." Production increased by 500% within 6 months.

why is flag waving on the moon? Chuck Norris was running around

When Chuck Norris watches, the paint dries instantly.

Chuck Norris once went through a McDonald's drive-thru in his Harrier jet. He then came back and flattened it with rockets when he realized they forgot the fries.

Buzz Lightyear found out just how far it is to infinity and beyond after Chuck Norris drop kicked his ass for refusing to come out of his grandson's toy box.

'Original Sin' actually refers to the first time anyone ever tried to fight Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes so he can accidentally roundhouse kick kids in the neck.

Chuck Norris wears boxer shorts made from barbed wire.

Chuck Norris's beard is so powerful that it has a beard itself

If Chuck Norris was anti-social, the world would be a very dangerous place.

Chuck Norris can't feel pain because pain is afraid of him.

Usain Bolt broke the 100m record by accident because he was trying to run away from Chuck Norris

Girls program in VB, men program in C, macho men program in Java, but Chuck Norris programs with voltage levels.

Chuck Norris idea of a toy car is a SSC Ultimate Areo

Chuck Norris can use bulldozer to knock a mosquito off of a bright red macaque's ass.

Chuck Norris got into a fight with himself... and won

What happened to the dinosaurs? Chuck Norris. What happened to Atlantis? Chuck Norris. What happened to the Toltecs? Chuck Norris. Notice a trend yet?

Kirby can't swallow Chuck Norris, but Chuck Norris can swallow Kirby.

When Elon Musk needs advice, he texts Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris responds with a roundhouse kick emoji that hasn't been invented yet.

Chuck Norris sneezed in Japan- therefore causing Hiroshima to be bombed.

Doctor's slap babies because their NOT Chuck Norris

"Doom" -- 1) a popular video game. 2) Your inevitable fate if you fight Chuck Norris.

Darth Vader claimed the Death Star matched the power of Chuck Norris. It was then destroyed....... twice.

The Draught of Living Death is not a magical potion or anything like it, it's not even liquid. It's the state of a human which, by some hell of an accident, survived a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

If you fight Chuck Norris, you can not retreat or surrender. He will kill you long before you can do either.

When he was a kid, Chuck Norris' bedroom walls were filled with photos of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can make a depressive manic.

Chuck Norris brung MJ back to life, but screwed up and made Taylor Swift.

What's the difference between Chuck Norris and Mud ? Mud comes off..

Girrafes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

Little-known fact: Chuck Norris taught Ike Turner how to play guitar. And the ancient art of the backhand.

Chuck Norris can dribble two bowling balls up a flight of stairs...with his feet.

Do you know why Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his balls because hair doesn't grow on steel!