All Chuck Norris Facts

The worst thing you can see on this planet is your own reflection in Chuck Norris eyes; it will also be the last thing you see.

Before pissing off Chuck Norris, Elmer Fudd was previously known as Jesse Ventura.

Chuck Norris did not look at Tupac or Biggie. He merely looked at them!

There are not enough light bulbs to change Chuck Norris.

Cleanliness is next to godliness... and of course, godliness is nowhere near Chuck Norris-ness.

The 'Chuck Norris Defense' always holds up in court. Always.

Chuck Norris thinks that concepts such as health and safety are for little pansy men with hairless faces who wince when they drink whiskey.

According to the Mayan civilization, the world will end in the year of 2012... They believe this to be true because they fear Chuck Norris is harnesting power for a final Round House Kick in that year

Chuck Norris can SEE invisible tape

Chuck Norris is so much trained in military tacticts 'that' once he killed an terrorist in afghanistan through bluetooth

Silly rabbit! Trix are for Chuck Norris!

Louisville Slugger makes professional baseball bats from kiln dried Chuck Norris turds.

When Chuck Norris goes ten-pin bowling, he simply throws the ball straight at the pins, shattering them. He hasn't achieved a perfect game yet, as the building usually collapses before then.

Superman has x-ray vision but can't see through lead walls. Chuck Norris can't see through lead walls either, but he can see over & around lead walls because he has periscope vision.

Chuck Norris always beats the meat when he goes to a restaurant.

Chuck Norris can burn a hole thru 2 steel plates with a single blink of an eye... with a constant stare he can patch the hole back up.

Kids wear Super Man pajamas, but Super Man wears Chuck Norris pajamas

A Chuck Norris sneeze packs enough power and steam to launch a fully loaded F/A-18 of the deck of an aircraft carrier.

when Chuck Norris do his high frequency voise all the whales in the sea became deaf

Chuck Norris ate a moose before he killed it.

Navy Seals use Chuck Norris' dingle berries to make cluster bombs.

Chuck Norris is the pricipal of the School Of Hard Knocks. Or as it's officially called, The Charles Norris Xavior's School For Gifted Bastard Offspring Of Lord Norris. It is responsible for all human death in the world.

Chuck Norris' copy of IE6 can render transparent PNGs correctly.

Chuck Norris made Stephen Hawking run for his life.

President Teddy Roosevelt once said, "Walk softly and carry a big stick." Chuck Norris once said, "Walk prickly and carry a big soft."

Chuck Norris enjoys big game deep sea fishing. He generally uses a live moose for bait.

Every morning, Chuck Norris gets up and splashes boiling oil in his face to wake him up.

Chuck Norris is a better agent than perry the platypus, And all other agents.

Chuck Norris really doesn't need the Total Gym to stay in shape and score with women. That just happens naturally.

Chuck Norris can draw cash from ATMs using UNO cards.

Big Foot takes plaster molds of Chuck Norris' footprints

Chuck Norris recently shot a 59 for a round of golf using a hockey stick and a super ball.

Chuck Norris once created his own website, but it was soon removed because people never managed to get out of the website alive.

Only Chuck Norris can make a NERF battle turn deadly.

Chuck Norris can start a fire by rubbing 2 ice cubes together !!

Light travels at 186,000 miles per second to run away from Chuck Norris.

For every foot that comes well packed with force, fear, pain and suffering, that foot is connected to a leg and that leg, with muscles like steel, is bound forever strong to a creature known as Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once scolded his wife for putting a bag of carrots in the beer crisper.

Chuck Norris doesn't get an arrow to the knee; the arrow gets Chuck Norris in ITS knee

The historical earthquakes in Japan were caused by Chuck Norris digging up what we know as the Mariana Trench.

Few people are aware that the entire lead-in of the Iron Butterfly hit "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" was actually recorded solely by Chuck Norris playing a piccolo.

Chuck Norris won a Pulitzer for his "Karate for Dummies" booklet.

After he came home from his trip to Canada, Chuck Norris drove his Humvee around his neighborhood for five months before anybody had the nerve to tell him he had a moose still strapped to the hood.

When Chuck Norris does ab crunches, his abs actually crunch.

Kyle Reese said the Terminator was unstoppable. He should have seen Chuck Norris before saying that.

You need the perfect prompt to get good answers from ChatGPT. Chuck Norris just raises an eyebrow and the answer appears.

Please find below a complete listing of gifts that could be found under your tree on Christmas morning that might possibly be something that Chuck Norris can not kill you with:

Chuck Norris can make a snake hop.

Scientists claim to have created a fourth state of matter. Chuck Norris has already created ten others.

When you're in Texas don't look behind you, all you will see is Chuck Norris' boot impaling your face followed by a bright light.

Colnel Sanders actually died by eleven of Chuck Norris' kicks and punches.

Chuck Norris divorced his wife because he caught her littering.

Chuck Norris has a truck.That truck know is known as Optimus Prime.

Chuck Norris was scuba diving when he came face to face with a menacing Great White Shark. Chuck gave the shark a bloody nose and leisurely continued his dive.

Chuck Norris can ride a wheely on a unicycle. Chuck Norris can do a hand stand on his feet.

Chuck Norris once fought superman. that is why you only see superman in a wheel chair.

Chuck Norris Sleeps On The Cieling

When in front of Morpheus Chuck Norris doesn't choose between the red or the blue pill. He takes them both.

Chuck Norris can smell thngs with his feet.

Only God is allowed to edit Chuck Norris' Wikipedia page.

Chuck Norris can play dubstep on a harp.

A sniper tried to assassinate Chuck Norris, but Chuck Norris broke his neck before he could pull the trigger.

Chuck Norris can win at the game Battleship by simply banging Rihanna.

Chuck Norris owns a playstation 360

Chuck Norris was recently seen taking his pet for a walk. His pet is a wolverine.

Chuck Norris killed the trolls. Happy now?

When Chuck Norris is in a particularly artistic mood, he likes to set up a large canvas and roundhouse kick people near it while wearing ice-skates.

Chuck Norris is the reason why bats can't see cause they took one look at him and they went blind.

If you write "To Chuck Norris" on an envelope and post it, it will be delivered to THE Chuck Norris, from anywhere in the world.

Young Chuck Norris would walk uphill to and from school.

Florida was only made a state, because Chuck Norris wanted some orange juice.

You can feel the wind off Chuck Norris' roundhouse just watching Walker, Texas Ranger.

Chuck Norris doesn't need sleep. He gets plenty every time he blinks.

Chuck Norris once successfully landed a plane...in mid-air!

Chuck Norris once punched a guy so hard he turned into a gravestone.

Chuck Norris can eat eat a hammer and crap out an axe.

Chuck Norris can have his cake, eat it, then roundhouse kick you in the face with the extra power it gave him.

Chuck Norris once stared at a solar eclipse using a pair of binoculars. The seared binoculars are now the world's first dual lense 3D kaleidoscope.

A man once suggested to Chuck Norris that he might, for a change, want to wear a goatee. Chuck Norris cut him in half with a circular saw.

When the Mormons knock on Chuck Norris' door, Chuck Norris sends them to heaven.

Recently, a car salesman told Chuck Norris he needed to go green and drive a Toyota Prius. Chuck kicked the Prius across the parking lot then drove off in his Humvee.

Chuck Norris personally knows every SI swimsuit model. He should -- he banged each one of them.

If you step on a crack, Chuck Norris will break your back.

Chuck Norris does not kill you; your already dead when you see him.

Q. What did Chuck Norris do with his first 50 cent piece? A. After climaxing, he punched her in the face and took back his half dollar. Nobody charges Chuck Norris for his services!

Chuck Norris is so fast he can turn off the light and be in bed before it's dark.

All men are born equal. Chuck Norris was just born more equal than everyone else.

Chuck Norris was cast for the first Terminator but was rejected because the cameras kept melting when put in his direction

Chuck Norris' bedroom has leather walls.

Every night, Richard Dawkins prays to Chuck Norris for forgiveness

Chuck Norris can make he planet tilt on its axis simply by shoving a billiard cue into the ground and leaning on it.

The original title for Clash of The Titans was Clash of The Titans with Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie ten seconds long.

When Chuck Norris asks to 'borrow' something from you, be aware that you will never, ever get it back and are in fact about to be kicked in the face.

Chuck Norris has the heart of a child........ HE KEEPS IT IN A SMALL BOX.

The most obvious upside to receiving a brutal Chuck Norris roundhouse kick is is that you will enter the afterlife knowing that you have died the most awesome death possible.

Chuck Norris refused to do a cameo for Mission Impossible 3 until they changed the title to "Something the Care Bears Did."

Chuck Norris will personally come over and baptize your son if you name him Walker or Texas Ranger.

Chuck Norris is considered to be high-class Norristocrat.

people look up at the moon, while the moon looks down at Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can disassemble an Army tank with a spork.