All Chuck Norris Facts

there is no use crying over spilled milk, unless its Chuck Norris' milk because then your gonna die

Chuck Norris struck gold while performing his own prostate exam.

A talk show host told Chuck Norris that Justin Bieber is a no talent, lying, lowdown, egg sucking dog. Chuck said "that's not true, Bieber does not like eggs".

What you can't argue with is the Chuck Norris motto, which is "of the Norris, for the Norris, by the Norris." Chuck the Norris.

In soviet Russia Chuck Norris still kicks your ass!

Chuck Norris once killed an old man in his childhood.

Chuck Norris doesn't play music - he works it like a slave owner.

Chuck Norris uses hippies as fire wood.

Chuck Norris has 3 birthdays a year

When Chuck Norris was once working at Freddy's Fazbear's Pizza, he punched the manager and roundhouse kicked Freddy Fazbear in the face.

Chuck Norris can piss in a urinal and leave the seat up.

Once when Chuck Norris was a child.....who are we kidding, Chuck Norris was born a man

Chaoticians are going to rename the so-called 'butterfly effect' as the 'Norris effect'- whenever Chuck Norris goes bezerk and destroys a city, another city on the other side of the world blows up also.

Housten's problem was Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris play Texas Levitate, because he don't need to hold 'em.

Chuck Norris' tongue is actually a proboscis.

The funniest joke ever was told by Chuck Norris about some tumbleweed that rolled by in silence.

Chuck Norris made SCREAM scream so bad he drops his mouth

Little known fact: Chuck Norris was, briefly, the only Spice Boy. He was known as Violent Spice.

The only reason O.J. won his case was because Chuck Norris was a 49ers fan

If you ever dare to 'axe' Chuck Norris a question, he will 'axe' your forehead.

Chuck Norris can choose his friends... his neighbors... his parents and family.

Following every bowl of horse hair & ballbearing bisque, Chuck Norris drinks a quart of Liquid Plummer to aid in digestion.

Chuck Norris has a role in every Saw movie... as the traps!

Confucius say wise man not face front of bull, not face back of mule, not face Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris pees pure arsenic.

Chuck Norris completed COD Black opps on a broken guitar hero guitar

The first terminator went back in time to kill Chuck Norris. As a result, the terminator will never exist.

The Terminator movies were written specifically with Chuck Norris in mind for the title role, and was originally called the Walkernator. The only differences were that the T-800 would always wear a cowboy hat and smoke cigars.

Chuck Norris did not shoot the Sheriff or the Deputy but he did torch thier police cruiser with a flaming porcupine.

Chuck Norris can exhale a huge plume of cigar smoke at any time.

Chuck Norris single-handedly saved Jack Daniels from going into bankruptcy

Chuck Norris' Ipod came with a real charger instead of just a usb cord.

Chuck Norris wasn't born in a hospital. He made himself.

If you see Chuck Norris in the wild, he may eat right out of your hand, because Chuck Norris has no natural predators.

Hillary Clinton sacrifices goats to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum balls. He chews bawling balls.

Peanut Butter has a Chuck Norris allergy...

Chuck Norris swims in active volcanos to cool off.

Chuck Norris killed all the dinosaurs and burried the corpses.

Chuck Norris' blood type is diesel

Chuck Norris is a supporter of gender equality in the workplace. That's why he makes his female employees work longer hours so they can earn the same as the men.

Chuck Norris doesn't have a cutlery drawer. He has a kitchen arsenal.

Bad news - Chuck Norris got sick last week and died. Good news - He's feeling much better now and went back to work yesterday.

Chuck Norris does not run out of bullets, bullets run out of Chuck Norris:

Chuck Norris can play a PS3 game on a PS2 console.

Chuck Norris whistles, his his war pigs come running after justin beaver!!!

Chuck Norris can play the Ventures hit 'Pipeline' in its entirety on a slide trombone.

Chuck Norris eats soup with a fork, KFC with chopsticks, and bananas with his feet.

Chuck Norris is a poet and his feet know it. Each one has an impression of your face on it.

Chuck Norris made One Direction go two ways.

A man once asked Chuck Norris, "what happens when an unstoppable force meets and immovable object?" Chuck Norris answered the question by punching himself in the face.

Stanford university recently received a scholarship from Chuck Norris

It used to be called goodminton before Chuck Norris tried it.

Chuck Norris has a bear carpet in his room. The bear isnt dead. Its just afraid to move.

Chuck Norris can speak French....in Russian

When Chuck Norris points a gun at you you're actually safer

Chuck Norris can see the color beningiorer. And you haven't even heard about it.

Chuck Norris isn't a cannibal, because he is actually a superior species. So next time he devours a family member, don't be upset, just remember this is just the beautiful cycle of nature.

Chuck Norris is the biggest boss that Rick Ross has seen so far.

Chuck Norris taught Jesus how to grow a beard.

AI can now write code faster than most programmers. Chuck Norris writes code by typing 'work' into an empty file. It compiles out of respect.

Chuck Norris loves playing soccer - with the grim reaper.

Chuck Norris can remove graffiti from the side of a building through micturition.

Chuck Norris' mom can kick your ass.

Chuck Norris and Sasquatch are maternal cousins.

Area 51 is where Chuck Norris stores his lawn mower.

Chuck Norris is so fast that the GPS speaks to him in the past tense.

Chuck Norris bed sheets are made of sheet metal.

The Dos Equis man is actually a fictional representation of Chuck Norris' feminine side.

Lactose is Chuck Norris intolerant.

When Chuck Norris plays Charades, his contestants go deaf

There was never anything wrong with Achilles' heel until he got mad and decided to kick Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris made Ferris work on his day off.

Chuck Norris puts the hard in hard-on.

Chuck Norris once won American Idol using sign language..

Little-known fact: Chuck Norris is simply normal, and everybody else is super weak.

I dared to look Chuck Norris in the eye - now I don't have a soul.

Anything Chuck Norris types on Microsoft Word is automatically approved by the spell checker.

Titanic did'nt sink because of an iceberg, it hit Chuck Norris on his morning swim...

Chuck Norris can shatter a table by staring at it. he can also do this to fetuses, houses, and human skulls.

Chuck Norris walks into a bar and asks for a glass of water. The bartender asks if he wants anything else and Chuck says, "No, the water is for you, I'm having whats left in the bar".

Chuck Norris knows what you did last summer.

Chuck Norris can save 15% or more on car insurance WITHOUT switching to Geico... or even buying car insurance.

Chuck Norris invented Hip Hop so that he could hate on Hip Hop artists and roundhouse kick them for his personal entertainment while watching Walker Texas Ranger on TV.

if you think the super hero's are good like superman Chuck Norris is all of them

When Chuck Norris has nasal congestion, his dried snot is so rigid that it requires a duech bag infusion rather than a nose drops remedy.

It's true that you're entitled to your opinion. But ignore Chuck Norris' opinion at your own peril.

Chuck Norris can pilot Evangelion Units 00-02 similtaneously.

Chuck Norris knew you before you were born!

Chuck Norris has personally hunted down and stuffed a yeti, sasquatch, Bigfoot and a wookie.

Chuck Norris first toy was a pistol a real pistol he had it since he was 3 yrs old.

Every year on February 2, Chuck Norris eats a live groundhog, predicts the weather around his mansion for the entire year with 100% accuracy, then bangs Bill Murray's daughter.

Chuck Norris can make sea creatures drown.

Chuck Norris's Seasonal catchy musical number... We kick you a Merry Chuckmas... We kick you a Merry Chuckmas... We kick you a Merry Chuckmas and a Chuckie New Year.

Testosterone takes Chuck Norris supplements

do you know why Pluto is no longer a planet? Because Chuck Norris says so

When Chuck Norris was little, his parents got him a playground. As he got older he got rid of it...it is now used to film Survivor.

Chuck Norris once started a fire with only what was around him. He was on an iceberg.

Mamalian urine contains uric acid. Chuck Norris' urine contains nitric acid.