🥋 General Facts

When The terminator said "I'll be back", he was actually going to seek the help of Chuck Norris.

The universe was created from Chuck Norris' saliva that came out of his mouth when he sneezed.

Chuck Norris is the one who killed Chivalry.

Chuck Norris went to a beauty salon yesterday to get a pedi and have his crotch waxed. There were NO survivors.

During WWII, it was really Chuck Norris we dropped on Hiroshima.

Chuck Norris wants to feel you on the inside.

Chuck Norris uses a live Cobra for a hatband. It stays in place because it's frozen in fear.

Chuck Norris don't wait for Santa Clause,Santa Clause waits for Chuck Norris.

If you waste even one second of Chuck Norris' time you will spend eternity in hell.

They say lightning never strikes in the same place twice - tell that to last guy to receive a one,two punch from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris's checks never bounce.

Chuck Norris threw your only trash can in the trash.

Chuck Norris can turn a cave into a tunnel.

Newtons third law of motion states that Every action has a reaction equal in magnitude and opposite in direction When Chuck Norris uses his roundhouse kick there is only action.

Chuck Norris didn't like watching Aaron Hernandez play football. So he sent him to prison so he wouldn't have to see him play again.

When Chuck Norris throws a ball, it crushes someone like a wrecking ball. I blame miley cyrus.

Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it.

on December 21 2012 the worlds ass will be putting up a vacancy sign and Chuck Norris foot is looking for a room and that's how the world will end

Chuck Norris told Mike Portnoy to leave Dream Theater.

if you dont agree with Chuck Norris god management beware of roundhouse kick so

In the late 1800's Chuck Norris' nickname was "Polio". And the reason for that nickname was not sloely because he has iron lungs.

Chuck Norris is the illegitimate father of Casey Heynes (look it up).

Chuck Norris has won the AFI lifetime achievement award, twice.

Chuck Norris has been to Jupiter; that's why there's the big red spot.

Chuck Norris does not dodge bullets, bullets dodge him out of fear.

Chuck Norris once wrestled a huge alligator for over 9 hours before he realized that he was actually masterbating.

Chuck Norris won the National Pie Eating Contest by devoring 168 hotdogs in less than 10 minutes.

As a one-man band, Chuck Norris can do note-perfect renditions of Slipknot songs.

Chuck Norris knows what Willis was talking about

When Chuck Norris switches on his computer, it skips the bootup process and goes straight to the desktop.

Chuck Norris doesn't have a send button on his email, it knows its role.

If you try to drop kick Chuck Norris, you should stay down there.

Chuck Norris gargles with thumbtacks.

Actually, it was Chuck Norris that fought The Battle of Jericho. Joshua later played taps.

Chuck Norris can send his roundhouse kicks through the mail to everywhere, since he knows every address in the entire world! So don't be surprised if you see someone's head instantly explode from opening an envelope.

Once when Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McDouble at McDonald's because it was 9:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard that it became a KFC.

When you search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked," on any search machine, you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen, and it never will too!

Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked the nose off of the Sphinx.

Chuck Norris was so pissed, he accidently hit something that borke the moon.

Chuck Norris can stop a chainsaw with his hand. This is actually true. There is footage. Not surprising, as he brushes his teeth with one twice a day.

Listen. Understand. Chuck Norris is out there. He can't be reasoned with, he can't be bargained with...he doesn't feel pity of remorse or fear... and he absolutely will not stop. Ever. Until you are dead.

Other fictional characters based on Chuck Norris: Han Solo, Boba Fett, Robocop, the T-800, the T-1000, Snake Plisskin, Dirty Harry, Conan, Jeff Lebowski, Kayser Soze, Wolverine, The Punisher, Iron Man, Walker: Texas Ranger, the Predator and Morpheus.

Chuck Norris' former 3rd grade librarian once "shushed" him for talking too loudly. Former librarian, Stephen Hawking, later became a world renowned physicist.

When Chuck Norris eats brussel sprouts, his farts smell like cotton candy.

Rattlesnakes have died from Chuck Norris bites.

Chuck Norris can pinch an atom with a chopstick

Chuck Norris took a wrong turn at the zoo and found himself in with Brutus the nasty Silverback Gorilla. Brutus was then seen politely showing Chuck to the exit door.

Some creatures fatally confuse Chuck Norris' beard with a rain forrest.

Chuck Norris can eat 3 bean burritos then go to the lake and take a whirlpool bath.

CHuck norris can kick u with his hands, and punch u with his feet.

The US Navy SEALs recently honored Chuck Norris with the 'Please Stop It, You're Making Us Look Bad' Award.

Chuck Norris: Chilling Hulking Undeniable Cunning Killing Not nice Order Ripped Righteous Invincible Sensational

Chuck Norris dosn't talk to people, he KILLS them Chuck Norris dosn't neet a friend to have fun.

Chuck Norris has Skynet installed on his laptop.

When Chuck Norris wa born 3 nurses and 2 doctors were killed when he shot them with 2 MPK-5's he had developed while in the womb.

Chuck Norris sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good... but will kill you on sight either way.

Chuck Norris can win German Soccer Championship ...... with Schalke 04

It is possible to contract hepatitis from smelling one of Chuck Norris's farts.

Chuck Norris has been all over more co-ed ass than butterfly tattoos.

Sir Issac Newton developed his groundbreaking theories on gravitation after he recovered from being almost killed by an apple thrown by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris plays Jenga with brick buildings.

Chuck Norris doesn't clip his fingernails... he rips them out with his bare hands and regrows new ones immediately.

Chuck Norris sells weapons-grade plutonium to school kids.

Chuck Norris loves to plant tubes of springing snakes in bodies to be autopsied.

Chuck Norris was once bitten by a Rattle Snake... After 3 Days of suffering the rattle snake died!

Nightmares have Chuck Norris-mares.

Unlike Elvis Costello, Chuck Norris was Punching The Detectives.

Chuck Norris is the only grown man alive that can wear Superhero Jammie's and no one will give him crap about it.

Chuck Norris believes that for every action there is an equal and opposite roundhouse kick to your head.

Chuck Norris can TKO King Hippo in Mike Tyson's Punch Out.

Chuck Norris is so fast that when he stops he has to wait for his shadow to arrive.

Chuck Norris sometimes wishes that alcohol could affect him. He has drunk 5 bottles of whiskey a day for the past 20 years, and still nothing.

Every convicted killer in the history of the world has been innocent. They were all just covering for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris Can Cut a Box In Half With 1 Finger

Chuck Norris likes to joust with a flagpole and a quad bike. He also pole vaults this way (9 gold medals).

Chuck Norris can win a connect 4 in 3 moves

Alls well that ends well. But if your life ends with a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick, all is not well.

Chuck Norris uses the woods as the bathrooom.

"Elect Chuck Norris for Pope".

Chuck Norris took down god zilla in 1894.

Chuck Norris is the only co-star he can work with.

Jesus' last words, before giving up the ghost in Aramaic were "Eloi Eloi lama sabachthani". The approximate translation into modern English: Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris, please don't roundhouse kick me!

Chuck Norris once threw a hand grenade into a crowd of 50 people , killing everyone of them.....then the grenade went off.

Chuck Norris plays Rusiian rulette with full barrels, and he always wins.

The invasion of America in Modern Warfare 2 insulted Chuck Norris by blowing up his house - he walked across the Pacific to Russia and promptly roundhouse kicked Moscow in the face, thereby ending the war.

Chuck Norris plays pool with comets and astroids. He shoots them into black holes.

Of course Chuck Norris doesn't use cleaning agents for his toilet, his piss does the job

Chuck Norris can kill a grizzly-bear with its own teeth.

In 2014 Chuck Norris invested 1 cent with a Wall Street investment firm. As of today he became a billionaire.

Chuck Norris has a pentagram tattooed around his cornhole.

Chuck Norris invented the word 'mortuary' so he would have a place to stack cadavers.

Chuck Norris roundhoused a hole in the roof of Cowboys Stadium so that God can watch his favorite team play.

Chuck Norris had what Meg Ryan was having.

Chuck Norris once paid a chef in Australia to cook him up a koala bear.

The U.S. Coast Guard has recognized Chuck Norris' gonads and nut sack as a legal personal floatation device.

Chuck Norris has an 11-inch prehensile tongue.

The movie 'Caligula' was inspired by the average Chuck Norris house party.

If iron and steel can talk, they wanna call Chuck Norris daddy.

Chuck Norris cleans his earwax out with a Dremel tool.

If you type in the best person in the world you get pictures of Chuck Norris.