🥋 General Facts

Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn; he dares it to grow.

Chuck Norris knows how many kicks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop: one

Chuck Norris can eat Green Eggs and Ham anywhere he wants to.

Chuck Norris can make your nightmares come true. By roundhouse kicking you.

Chuck Norris was peeling an onion. He made the onion cry.

Chuck Norris pulls the gernade and throws the pin, on purpose...

Chuck Norris can kill you in 17 interesting and horrifying ways just by shaking your hand.

Chuck Norris is what the butler saw.

When Chuck Norris was in the Air Force, everyone, even the generals, saluted him first.

Chuck Norris studied abroad for two years. Then he studied her sister.

This is a web site for NEW AND ONLY NEW Chuck Norris Facts.If Chuck Norris finds out(and he will find out) you have posted one that you read or heard....Beg for Merciful God to take you and not Chuck Norris

The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.

Quantum physicists have found that the only source of energy immense enough to cause subatomic particles to travel backward in time as Neutrino's is Chuck Norris's roundhouse.

All your base are belong to Chuck Norris.

In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris makes joke about you

It is a scientific fact that the only reason the 'Dark Knight' trilogy was any good was because it was directed by a guy who had the same initials as Chuck Norris.

Liam Neeson was taken by Chuck Norris

You can get tetanus simply by staring at Chuck Norris' beard for too long.

Chuck Norris was so ugly when he was born that his mom threw him away and kept the afterbirth.

Chuck Norris commits armed robbery with other people's arms.

Chuck Norris doesn't care about complex numbers ... nothing is complex for him!

Chuck Norris can make a Snooker 147 maximum break with a single shot.

Chuck Norris can hit a bull in the butt with a banjo.

Chuck Norris smokes rolled-up newspapers.

Chuck Norris is the one. Not Keanu Reeves, or Jet Li, and DEFINATELY not Christopher Lambert.

Chuck Norris uses his pet guinea pig, Whiskers, to hunt mountain lions.

Chuck Norris can watch DVDs in a VCR player.

Chuck Norris has been to Mars. That is why there are no signs of life there.

Tigers developed stripes as an evolutionary strategy. Chuck Norris made them an endangered species anyway.

Chuck Norris once allowed a man shoot an apple off his head at 20 paces with a 12 gauge shotgun. He was unharmed of course.

When Chuck Norris visited Saudi Arabia, all the arabs run out.

Chuck Norris never bows to royalty, or anyone, for that matter. If they wish to continue to live, they must bow to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris assults your senses with a crowbar.

Chuck Norris can literally slap you stupid.

Chuck Norris can pick an apple off a orange tree and make the best damn lemonade you have ever had.

Just one dollop of Chuck Norris' elbow grease can keep your car lubricated for up to fourteen years.

Chuck Norris officially announced today that he is in fact permantly retiring...your face from public view.

Chuck Norris can kill Liberty Prime in one hit with a BB Gun.

Chuck Norris and his toothbrush can take on a guy wielding a crowbar. And win.

Chuck Norris is the only person on earth who can get a quadruple-word score at Scrabble.

Chuck Norris ate the fat bastard who ate all the pies.

Q:Why did the chicken cross the road? Answer:To get on Chuck Norris's good side.

Freddy thought he was the true nightmare until he met Chuck Norris who roundhouse kicked and from that day Freddy hides in fear thinking a nightmare in texas

Chuck Norris had a Doctor that suggested he needed to eat tofu instead of red meat. Chuck immediately suggested the Doctor needed to have the teeth slapped out of his mouth.

Chuck Norris cleans his toilet with a backhoe and a WeedEater.

In honor of Earth Day, Chuck Norris threw a massive BBQ and kegger in the middle of the Amazon rain forest.

Mike wants to be like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris didn't have plush animals when he was a kid. He had guns to sleep with.

Chuck Norris trained his pet mountain lions to nurse baby sheep and later fed them back to the mountain lions thus perpetuating mountain lion existence.

Chuck Norris is the reason why you don't see Total Gyms being sold in garage sales

I fought the law and................Chuck Norris won.

Chuck Norris can go to places that say "Do Not Enter"

Chuck Norris can land a plane in Auto Pilot.

The Revolution will be televised on Chuck Norris's television.

Jesus wears a WWCND (what would Chuck Norris do) bracelet.

Chuck Norris can rear-end the car he's driving.

If Chuck norris punched the earth it wouldnt shatter it would create a black black hole and only let the the people live that he deemed worthy

In fact John of Saw doesn't play a game with people for fun, he was just doing what is mentioned in Chuck Norris biggest game to save his ass.

Chuck Norris's main method of preventing universe-shattering paradoxes consists of kicking people in the face.

Isac Newton discovered gravity because Chuck Norris chucked an apple in his face from the moon.

Chuck Norris once wrote..."I will personally roundhouse kick anybody in the face that missplells words!"

If you want to know if something is funny, just ask Chuck Norris. If he laughs, it's funny. If he doesn't, prepare to die, because you wasted his time.

When Chuck Norris Runs the Earth Spins Faster

Chuck Norris bought a double cheeseburger from McDonalds on the dollar menu for 2 dollars. He then proceeded to round house kick the cashier

Some people look for religion, religion looks for Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris has been awarded the coveted 3 Michelin Star rating for plating a saucer of microwaved instant grits.

When speaking in public about his multitude of lifetime accomplishments, Chuck Norris always appropriately refers to himself in the fourth-person.

Chuck Norris shot the sheriff AND the deputy.

Chuck Norris can beat you at a staring contest with his eyes closed

Chuck Norris' pager is still cool

Solid Snake has a beard because Chuck Norris bit his chin an it became a fist

Chuck Norris can us an abucus to solve differential calculus equations.

The rock band Queen wrote the song "We will rock you" about Chuck Norris fists.

Chuck Norris paints his house once a year with a human head.

You can lead a horse to water, but Chuck Norris can make him eat Tequila jello shots.

Chuck Norris views the Ironman Triathlon as "a nice cool-down."

Another way to explain a Chuck Norris Round House Kick to the face is "de-materializing."

Chuck Norris endorsed Blue-Ray.

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you in the head, his foot will actually go through your skin, skull and brain, then reappear out the other side. This is not magic, this is power. And if you survive, that would be magic.

Chuck Norris is never surprised he is the surprise

Chuck Norris dosent need a cell phone if he talks you better listen.

Chuck Norris can pluck out individual Hydrogen and Oxygen atoms from a water molecule.

Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke. That truck Is now known as Optimus Prime.

Chuck Norris can play slide guitar with a beer bottle. Or, failing that, your face.

Chuck Norris can write Haiku poetry in Hexadecimal without need for Binary Interface tables.

Chuck Norris taught Prometheus how to wipe his ass.

One day a boy seen Chuck Norris do some amazing things. He seen Chuck Norris grow metal claws from his knuckles, Shoot webs from his wrist, Turn green and huge, And have the number 4 on his chest. That boys name is Stan Lee

For most people, anger is simply a state of mind... For Chuck Norris, it is state-of-the-art.

Israel has a top secret Chuck Norris option.

Chuck Norris has over 600 miles of black belts in his home.

The crew in Apollo 13 could have saved themselves a lot of trouble if they had used "Chuck Norris, please help us" instead of "Houston, we have a problem".

Chuck Norris once mistook your grandma with being a ninja. She is now 50 billion light years in space.

Chuck Norris can make a barbeque.Under water!

Superman's cape is made from Chuck Norris' chest hair.

Hercules is the strongest man in the world but he lost a game of mercy to Chuck Norris.

It can look like chicken, taste like chicken, and feel like chicken, but if Chuck Norris says it's beef...it's beef. NO QUESTIONS!!!

When Chuck Norris air-guitars, you can actually hear the real sound of a Gibson Les Paul coming from his air guitar.

Chuck Norris once took a crap on a crap table.. and won nine million dollars.

Chuck Norris interned for a glue company during his creche-school going days. During that course he invented the dark matter that holds the universe together.

Chuck Norris almost turned down a cameo in the movie 'dodgeball' on the grounds that he doesn't dodge balls.. He prefers them resting on his chin.