๐ฅ General Facts
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Chuck Norris never has an incomplete checklist. The tasks finish themselves.
Chuck Norris once broke a mirror. He got seven years of good luck.
The speed of darkness is measured by how fast it runs from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can sneeze faster than the speed of sound. The sound apologizes for being slow.
Chuck Norris's handshake is classified as a weapon of mass persuasion.
Chuck Norris doesn't need an alarm clock. The sun sets an alarm for him.
When Chuck Norris enters a voting booth all candidates vote for him.
Chuck Norris can watch a 3-hour movie in 20 minutes. The movie speeds up out of respect.
Chuck Norris has never had a nightmare. Nightmares have Chuck Norris dreams.
When Chuck Norris goes bowling the pins jump back up out of respect.
Chuck Norris can win a game of solitaire with a deck of 51 cards.
When Chuck Norris does laundry the clothes wash themselves out of fear.
Chuck Norris once won a wet t-shirt contest. He was the only one wearing a life vest.
Chuck Norris can slam a door that isn't there.
Chuck Norris once shot someone with a water gun. They are still in the hospital.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a lighter. He snaps his fingers.
Chuck Norris can make it rain. He just cracks his knuckles at the sky.
Chuck Norris once stared at a stop sign. It started walking.
Chuck Norris doesn't get jet lag. Jet lag gets Chuck Norris lag.
Chuck Norris can turn back time just by walking backwards.
Chuck Norris doesn't use an umbrella. Rain avoids him out of self-preservation.
When Chuck Norris sits in a chair the chair holds its breath.
Chuck Norris once went on vacation. The weather apologized.
Chuck Norris can make a sandwich with just bread. The filling appears out of respect.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a map. The roads reroute themselves for him.
When Chuck Norris goes to a restaurant the menu asks him what it would like to be.
Chuck Norris's shadow has its own shadow. That shadow also does push-ups.
Chuck Norris once shook hands with a vending machine. It gave him everything inside.
When Chuck Norris plays chess all the pieces move forward.
Chuck Norris's voicemail does not exist. Messages are too afraid to be left.
Chuck Norris's coffee machine starts when he walks into the kitchen.
The Tooth Fairy used to leave coins. After Chuck Norris visited her she left IOUs.
Chuck Norris doesn't need sunscreen. The sun applies it for him.
Chuck Norris once played poker with a full deck. Then he added a few cards of his own.
Chuck Norris can speak Klingon. He taught it to the Klingons.
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. The other person just picked up the wrong phone.
When Chuck Norris walks by a clock it resets to the correct time.
Chuck Norris once fell asleep in a library. The books organized themselves alphabetically.
Chuck Norris can play the violin with a baseball bat.
Chuck Norris doesn't sweat. His pores just exhale in defeat.
Chuck Norris once finished a jigsaw puzzle in one move. He looked at the box.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
When Chuck Norris tells a joke the punchline punches back.
Chuck Norris's nightmares are afraid of the dark.
Chuck Norris's beard trims itself out of respect.
When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters. It knows better than to reflect perfection imperfectly.
When Chuck Norris was a baby he didn't have a rattle. He had a live grenade.
Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet. He scares the crap out of it.
Santa Claus checks his list twice because of what happened the last time he forgot Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
When Chuck Norris enters a swimming pool the water gets out.
When Chuck Norris enters a room he does not turn the lights on. He turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. Nobody fools Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris cuts onions, the onions cry.