🥋 General Facts

Chuck Norris can whistle in sign language.

A good man is hard to find, but Chuck Norris can easily find one and snap him over his knee.

Chuck Norris put the bop in the bop shoo wop shoo wop. He also put the ram in the ramalama-ding-dong.

When Chuck Norris was little, his parents bought him an anvil for his playpen. He broke it immediately.

How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if the wood chuck was Chuck Norris? All of it.

Chuck Norris can open locked doors. Without a key.

Chuck Norris knows what you did last winter.

When Chuck Norris goes to the airport, TSA agents grope themselves.

Manual doors open automatically for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was surfing and came face to face with a huge Great White shark. The shark quickly swam away after sustaining a very serious Chuck Norris bite.

If Superman and The Flash had a race to the end of the world, Chuck Norris would be the winner.

Many people can make rocks skip on water. Chuck Norris does it better -- by skipping entire islands.

Like many other magnificient creatures, Chuck Norris has his own mating season, we know this season better as winter

Chuck Norris doesn't have a nervous system. He has a supremely tough and confident system.

Chuck Norris invented "That's what she said", and your mom went, 'oh yeah'

Chuck Norris can turn even the safest firework into an instrument of mass destruction.

Orange Bird is both the smallest and largest bird in Angry Birds Theme 18-2. Chuck Norris has both the smallest and largest 8=D.

Music soothes the savage beast... unless, of course, the savage beast in question is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can match the pwer packed taste of Sunny D.

Some people are lactose intolerant. Dairy is Chuck Norris intolerant.

In his high school year book, Chuck Norris was named " most likely to kick you in the face ".

The six stages of grief: 1.Denial 2.Anger 3.Bargaining 4.Depression 5.Acceptance 6.Being Killed By Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a hole into a cow, just to see what was coming down the road.

Chuck Norris died once. when greated by the grim reaper chuck proceded 2 round house kick the reaper.long story short death will never make that mistake again

Chuck Norris made a legless man run for his life.

Garmin GPS Googles Chuck Norris for directions.

Black-eyed peas were normal peas before Chuck Norris decided he didn't like peas.

Chuck Norris is Wolverine's favorite X-Man.

Chuck Norris can stop the space-time continum

How do you know when Chuck Norris has been in your house? You are now homeless. And, more often than not, dead.

Chuck Norris can bring a gun to a lightsaber duel

As a child, Chuck Norris played Hot Potato with live hand grenades.

Jesus could turn water into wine. Chuck Norris can turn his own piss into award-winning top shelf whiskey.

A cab driver in Paris received a near fatal roundhouse to his face from Chuck Norris. It was Chuck Norris' way of saying Hi in French.

Chuck Norris invented taking credit for other people's inventions. But he has also invented heaps of stuff

Once Chuck Norris pissed off anger, and that is how happiness was invented.

Chuck Norris is the best thing since sliced bread, which of course, was invented by by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not mow his lawn. He simply stares at the grass and dares it to grow

GOD created the world in 6 days, what did he do on his rest day? HE CREATED CHUCK NORRIS

Chuck Norris once ate a rubix cube. He pooped it out solved

Chuck Norris throw Gun powder over his frenchfries.

Chuck Norris flosses with lightning.

The only time Chuck Norris has ever had his butt whooped is when the doctor did it when he was born. The Dr. has been in hiding ever since.

Chuck Norris was at a restaurant when the waitress asked if he would like to try their Tofu. Chuck said "lady, I'd rather piss upwind in a hurricane".

Phonics are hooked on Chuck Norris.

When playing craps, Chuck Norris only uses one die. And he always rolls a 7.

It wasn't the a-bomb that annihilated nagasaki and hiroshima during WWII..it was Chuck Norris jumping out of the plane and punching the ground.

Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder for the simple fact that his roundhouse kicks are recognized world-wide as "acts of God."

Chuck Norris never learns. He knows.

Chuck Norris had an unfortunate run in with The Predator. It was unfortunate for the Predator, as Chuck slapped him stupid and sent him home.

Chuck Norris tweaked his Harley, to give it 4-wheel-drive.

When nature calls Chuck Norris hangs up

Chuck Norris is a Father You DON'T Wanna Have !

A person tried to assasinate Chuck Norris. When he shot the bullet, a person died. The person? The one with the gun.

Chuck Norris can rob a drunk guy's gun store.

Chuck Norris can pay his credit card bill with his credit card.

Chuck Norris can enrich uranium in his popcorn maker.

Chuck Norris can read the whole bible in one day.

Bono cant find what he is looking for because Chuck Norris found it first

The reason the Angry Birds are so angry is because they don't live in the same world as Chuck Norris.

The only reason the world will end is because, Chuck Norris will retire.

Chuck Norris' best man at his first wedding was Chuck Norris from 5 years in the future. All nine bridesmaids were Norris' future ex-wives.

Chuck Norris only smokes Havana cigars and the cigars are personaly delived to Chuck Norris by Castro.

Chuck Norris can walk on trees.

Chuck Norris knows the Vengabus is coming.

God is still slightly pissed off at Chuck Norris for using his halo to kill so many people... but he won't say anything about it.

Uncle Sam is Chuck Norris' nephew.

Chuck Norris can slice fries with his beard. He then stares at them until they are Golden Brown.

Chuck Norris breaks the hand that feeds him.

The Grand Canyon is Chuck Norris' toilet.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before Chuck Norris kills me in my sleep.

Steven Seagal has a full sized tattoo of Chuck Norris ass on his face.

The only reason why there is night is because the sun is hidding from Chuck Norris.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris just has a fever.

Chuck Norris can time his attacks with pinpoint accuracy. For example, just as you start to relax in his presence - BOOM - his boot enters your face.

Chuck Norris honestly does read Playboy for the articles, as all the models are too plain and flat-chested.

Governments are on Chuck Norris watch lists.

Richard Simmons only wears his ridiculous gym attire and sweats to the oldies because he lost a bet with Chuck Norris.

A strange-but-true phenomenon - whenever there is a natural disaster in the world, Chuck Norris' stocks soar.

Chuck Norris' ego wears a cape and a crown.

Chuck Norris isn't lusty- he only has bloodlust.

Chuck Norris can make lemonade out of oranges.

Chuck Norris once won The Indianapolis 500 while driving bulldozer in reverse.

The Chuck Norris-approved Chucknopoly is the world's only board game that is potentially fatal.

Chuck Norris once went into a sensory deprivation chamber for two hours... and came out with at least three new senses.

Chuck Norris once pissed in the woods and it became the Petrified Forest.

Chuck Norris can eat breakfast in McDonalds after 11:00am

In every computer game, the final level is Chuck Norris. If you don't beat those before, he does.

Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can swim on land.

Chuck Norris uses the HOV lane by himself.

Chuck Norris invented the question mark.

We all know that any mortal punching Chuck Norris' chin is just pressing the big red "Please Notice and Flatten Me Now" button hidden under his beard.

Chuck Norris once used the Grim Reaper as a Sherper up Everest but Roundhouse kicked him in the Death Zone and summitted ALONE

Chuck Norris flosses his teeth with barbed wire.

The Japanese surrendered in WWII because they got word that Chuck Norris just got out of boot camp.

The danger of death sign is not a warning that you will get an electric shock that kills you, its a warning that Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked somebody there.

After Mr. T predicted pain in Rocky III, the studio had to hire a Mr. T look-alike to walk around the set as a safety precaution, because Chuck Norris would be the first to say be careful what you wish for.

Chuck Norris calls a spade a spear.

Chuck Norris is allergic to allergies.

Chuck Norris can literally charm pants off ladies. This of course is useful for his ninesomes.