🥋 General Facts

Chuck Norris Don't Need To Eat, He Will Find You.

Chuck Norris owns the world's only working proton pack. He has used it once, to kill some noisy neighbours, then catch their souls.

Chuck Norris doesn't want to build a snowman.

Chuck Norris pisses gold and craps chocolate.

Chuck Norris explains, his daily swim across the Pacific is the reason why he is so fit.

Superman actually has two weaknesses Kryptonite and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once stopped a runaway locamotive just by glaring at it.

After a pick up game of basketball, Chuck Norris made 42 baskets out of 30 attempts.

Chuck Norris went to the virgin isles and when he came bak they were just called the isles

There was no potato famine in Ireland. Chuck Norris just had the munchies on the way back from Amsterdam.

Betty Davis has Chuck Norris eyes

Chuck Norris can lick his eyebrows and breathe through his ears. That's why the ladies love him so much.

A Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to your solar plexus will cause your toenails to crack.

Sasquatch brings Chuck Norris Jack Links beef jerky.

When Chuck Norris watches Barney & Friends, Barney doesn't sing songs.

Jean-Claude Van Damme once attempted to throw a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. He was immediately arrested for fraud.

Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsee Pop.

Chuck Norris can cure your cataracts with taser eye surgery.

Chuck Norris doesn't defy gravity. He simply kicks it in the nuts.

When feeling bored just ring up Chuck Norris and he will cure you with his medicine which is your ass being whupped

The Killers sang 'I've got soul but I'm not a soldier'. It's vice-versa for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.

Chuck Norris pitty the fool that face him.

Chuck Norris can speak in cursive.

Chuck Norris knows how old Blink 182 is.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep in on Sunday mornings because he has learned that the best time to run little old ladies over with his Hummer is on their way to church.

Chuck Norris can unhinge his jaw, to better facilitate swallowing things whole.

Chuck Norris' first car was a Caterpillar D9.

Chuck Norris' chi alone disrupts telecommunication signals around the globe.

Every night before bed Chuck Norris round house kicks 10 childern.

At birth, Chuck Norris immediately excised his parasitic twin, instantly roundhouse kicked his ass and threw him out the 10th story hospital room. We now know the parasitic twin as PeeWee Herman.

Chuck Norris's Piss can be used as a preworkout!

Noah had two of everything and ONE Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has eaten over 3200 species of animals, 2436 of them insects.

It's all fun and games until Chuck Norris pulls your eyes out with a socket wrench.

Chuck Norris can make oxygen suffocate.

For Chuck Norris, there are only two food groups. Steak and beer.

Chuck Norris can clip his toenails, blow up a balloon, sneeze and inhale a cigarette at the same time.

Chuck Norris gets his wisdom teeth removed every three months.

When Chuck Norris contradicts himself, he doesn't

Chuck Norris hit a hole-in-one on the 18th hole at Pebble Beach, California from the 1st tee at Bethpage Black, New York.

When Chuck Norris was asked if he believed that the world was going to end in 2012 he resonded: "Depends how I'm feeling that day."

When Chuck Norris cuts it Footloose, God help anyone within a three-mile radius.

Chuck Norris was about to send an email when he realized it'd be faster to run. "

Chuck Norris commented 4 months ago on a YouTube video that was made yesterday

Bob's not your uncle - Chuck Norris is.

Car manufacturers crash test their cars by launching them at Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris may not have invented death, but he sure as hell perfected it.

Chuck Norris is violent, even his farts make a p-ting! noise.

Chuck Norris fought the law, and the law got roundhouse kicked in the face

Chuck Norris was fired from the show "Axe Men". The producers didn't think cutting down whole forests with your teeth was appropriate for children.

Chuck Norris once punched a guy so hard he regained consciousness in another zip code.

Chuck Norris wishes you a Roundhouse Kicking New Year!

When Chuck Norris travels to Washington D.C., local officials declare a state of emergency.

Chuck Norris has the Confederate flag tattooed to the roof of his mouth.

Chuck Norris is not only a noun but a verb

Chuck Norris keeps his pillow under his gun.

Chuck Norris has never lost a sock.

The Chuck Norris commandments: Six days thou shalt work out on your Total Gym, but the seventh day thou shalt rest and watch a Chuck Norris movie (Chuck 1:4)

The job of the superhero is to save the day. The job of Chuck Norris is to save the superhero.

Chuck Norris once beat Ricky Gervais in a British accent impersonation contest.

Chuck Norris never broke the heart of any of his ex's.Just their legs back and neck.

When Chuck Norris was younger he was excited when he began growing chest hair. All the other boys in his 1st grade class were jealous.

Sharks don't bite people when Chuck Norris goes for a swim.

Chuck Norris was in a bear fight, he tapped the bear with his finger and the bear fainted and died

Chuck Norris attacks sharks when he's smells them bleed

When Chuck Norris buys a house, the realtor pays Chuck a commission.

Some people jog in the park. Chuck Norris jogs in an orbit around the sun.

If Chuck Norris rammed his boot up your ass, all three of us would be tickled!

Every time Chuck Norris watches on Olympic event, he wins a gold medal.

Chuck Norris wears denim underwear.

Chuck Norris once put a man in an eight-month coma just by hurting his feelings.

Chuck Norris' eggs lay chickens.

Chuck Norris poop is harder than rock. His turds are called "diamonds" when sold.

Chuck Norris re-mixed P Diddy's face.

Wheaties are actually sun-dried Chuck Norris boogers.

When Chuck Norris inhales a helium balloon his voice will sound like Barry White in slo-mo for the next nine hours.

Following a recent kickboxing training mishap,Chuck Norris no longer has a shadow.

Chuck Norris showed Snooki what the situation really is.

Life is what Chuck Norris makes it.

Prior to contrary belief, the Red Sea was actually parted by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can recline and swivel on a bar stool.

Chuck Norris froze Medusa and bite a werewolf

Chuck Norris finished the ice bucket challenge by dumping the entire Antarctica continent on his head.

A greastest achvement that you can get is when you go down niagara falls in a wodden barrole, Chuck Norris can go UP niagara falls in a cardboard box.

A mere slap in your face from Chuck Norris causes permanent, life long strabismus.

Most critics agree that the main failing of The Expendables 3 is its inexcusable lack of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has more subscribers than Pewdiepie.

Chuck Norris once found a hummingbird egg in his backyard. He quickly lodged it between his ass cheeks for incubation and 28 days later a Velociraptor hatched.

If Chuck Norris was a teacher, he could literally blow your mind. Dont take his class if you want your brain. xD

Chuck Norris once scared a cancer patient out of dying

Chuck Norris takes no prisoners. He kills them before they have a chance to surrender.

Unlike King Arthur, Chuck Norris CAN cut down a tree with a herring.

In 1969, man landed on the Moon. By 1969, Chuck Norris had already landed on eight planets, skipping Pluto "because it's too damn small."

Chuck Norris is the reason why Drake says YOLO.

Chuck Norris isn't actually invincible. HE DOESN'T NEED TO BE.

By the time I finished writing this joke, Chuck Norris had advanced from being a 6132-degree black belt to a 7834-degree black belt. By the way, this joke took me 1 minute to write.

Chuck Norris took the flintstones out the stone age and the Jetsons out of the space age.

Chuck Norris once visited the Oracle and told her: 'Don't worry about the round house kick'. She responded: 'What round house kick?'. BAMM... that round house kick.

The Foo Fighters will soon find Chuck Norris had already fought and killed all the Foo.