All Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Depending on the circumstances, Chuck Norris will decide whether or not his farts will stink. If he chooses to have them stink, he will then also choose the percentage level of rankness appropriate for the attending audience.

Chuck Norris compresses his files by doing a flying round house kick to the hard drive.

Chuck Norris will liquify your kidneys and pancreas when he sneezes

Chuck Norris doesn't wash his clothes. He disembowels them.

Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.

Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.

Chuck Norris doesn't relieve himself in the bathroom.... He scares the poop away.

Nature gets back to Chuck Norris

Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.

Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.

Chuck Norris killed Biggie and Pac

Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.

Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.

The air around Chuck Norris is always a balmy 78 degrees.

A signed picture of Chuck Norris' last colonoscopy now fetches over twenty thousand US dollars on Ebay.

Chuck Norris was asked if he would be willing to wrestle a Grizzly Bear. Chuck said he would and then added "I didn't know Rosie O'Donnell was in town".

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

The munchies get Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question... just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard.

Chuck Norris doesn't do Burn Down charts, he does Smack Down charts.

Don't worry about tests, Chuck Norris's test cases cover your code too.

Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.

Punxsutawney Phil saw Chuck Norris' shadow and instantly died. Therefore there will be 20 more weeks of winter.

Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.

Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.

Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.

Chuck Norris was born when the roundhouse kicks were two minutes apart.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to lick a Tootsie Pop to get to its center -- his piercing stare can slice it in half.

Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does.

There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.

There's no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris just got cold, so he turned up the sun.

Chuck Norris made Journey stop believing.

Chuck Norris vomits live doves

Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.

Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.

Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.

Fear makes Chuck Norris hungry.

Chuck Norris once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten.

It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.

mothernature asks Chuck Norris if its ok to make it rain

Chuck Norris can access private methods.

Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.

"Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Chuck Norris' theme song.

They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them.

In the movie "The Matrix", Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay close attention in the green "falling code" scenes, you can make out the faint texture of his beard.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chuck Norris can win a game of rock-paper-scissors with his boot.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

Chuck Norris solved the halting problem.

Chuck Norris knows the end of pi.

Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.

You don't really see a light at the end of the tunnel you see Chuck Norris roundhouse kick your face.

Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.

Chuck Norris doesn't use a computer because a computer does everything slower than Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris prepares a smoked salmon, he wraps it in Zig-Zag.

OpenAI has an entire team dedicated to AI safety. Their biggest concern is what happens if Chuck Norris asks it to do something.

Chuck Norris is only scared of one thing his reflection fact

What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.

Chuck Norris always puts a coaster under his Uzi.

Chuck Norris? roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

What many people dont know is Chuck Norris is the founder of planned parenthood. Not even unborn children can escape his wrath.

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?".

There?s an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.

Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.

Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.

The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.

Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he?s roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.

Chuck Norris is a very generous man -- every day, he allows billions of people to continue to live.

A fundamental concept in Judaism is the belief in the coming of the messiah. I'm not sure what they waiting for. Chuck Norris is already here!.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? Goddamn Chuck Norris, that's who.

Chuck Norris's brain waves are suspected to be harmful to cell phones.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

The crickets don't chirp at Chuck Norris' house, if they know what's good for them.

Chuck Norris knows how to say souffle in the French language.

When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.

Chuck Norris chooses not to compete in an Ironman because of the swim, every time he starts kicking and swinging his arms, people die!

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.

Chuck Norris CAN see John Cena.

Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in ravioli. He stuffs a live turtle with beef and smothers it in pig's blood.

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.

In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.

Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.

No matter which part of Chuck Norris you aim at, the bullet will always hit the center of your forehead.

Chuck Norris once went out with a bang.

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.

A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.

Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.

Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don?t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

Chuck Norris never liked the Phillippines. Especially Tacloban.